On Publishing

On May 19th, I went to a talk in the Strand given by this dude, Julian Friedmann. He’s meant to be a top screen and book writing agent, who’s keen to support new talent. Whether he’s any good or not, I got some valuable tips out of the evening which I thought I’d share with you.

What to include with a manuscript submission:

• A contents page. Different editors/agents like to peruse submissions in different orders.
• Short ten-line pitch that could possibly end in a cliff-hanger.
• Brief description of significant characters (2-3 lines each for minor; 5 lines for major).
• Your intentions. Why write this story? Why do you feel it is you who must tell it?
• 2-3 page synopsis (if it’s a novel), present tense. Don’t include back-story in synopsis, put necessary back-story in character bios.

The accompanying letter should not begin with ‘Dear Sir or Madam’ or ‘To whomever this may concern’. The writing/publishing industry is apparently quite informal and it shows far more professionalism to address your covering letter to the most relevant person; even begin the letter with their first name. If this is information that can’t be found on the net, then a secretary can usually give you the correct contact.

Should anyone find themselves in a position to pitch at a convention or literary event, here’s a few tips on verbal pitching:

• Brevity. Aim for 60 seconds.
• Don’t wait to write story. Pitch depends on who you pitch to. Work out how to pitch early in the development of your idea.
• Include the title, format (novel/play etc) and genre of your work.
• If you want your story to be easy to sell, it should be easy to pitch. 
• To aid in the explanation of more complicated stories, sometimes referring to a similar work can help.

General reminders I found useful:

• Story has to come from who your characters are. You can’t dump characters in a situation which could not have resulted from who they intrinsically are.
• Human behaviour, ie why people behave the way they do, is at the heart of storytelling.
• The ability of the author to exert objectivity over the psychology of a character is important.
• You are writing for other people, not just yourself; the primary relationship is writer-reader, not writer-characters.
• Let a character speak for his or her self. Automatic writing is a good way to generate the small details that make a character three-dimensional. With a wealth of description then available, you can pick and choose the unique traits/idiosyncrasies to weave into your characterisation.

Creative Industries

If anyone happens by this and knows more than I about what is taking place (if anything) in the course this term, would you mind elaborating?

Hope everyone is enjoying exam-freedom.

Back Boris?

(This is my rather pathetic attempt to show an interest in politics).

We all know he’s very cool and has a… unique way with words. But Mayor? Speaking impartially, I am interested to know how many support our conservative friend. Is it a good idea to ban alcohol on public transport? Oxygenchameleon: you live in London and like Boris. What are your two cents?

And God said…

To continue my rants into the idiosyncrasies of religious belief, here’s a real treat.

Such is the slogan of the $27 million creation museum in Kentucky, which is something of an embarrassment for the US scientific community. It’s easy for atheists and non Bible Belt Christians to laugh, but the “museum’s” calculated merging of religion and science is dangerously misleading, and is aimed at brainwashing its younger visitors into believing that science is able to substantiate Christian doctrine. The fact that the museum was even built is testament to the influence of groups such as its parent, Answers in Genesis. And $27 million! Think of the good that a Christian organisation could have done! This religion constantly urges us to extend the hand of aid to our less fortunate brothers, but where is the charity in this monstrosity of a building? Its hand is busy misleading and brainwashing young minds into believing a hypothesis whose only evidence is located in an age-old, outdated book written by MEN. Since we fell from grace, aren’t all men faliable?

It’s a good job scientists aren’t religious fanatics; if they were, the museum would suffer from more than protesters with innocuous paper signs. I am no scientist, but I have great respect for its practices. Without science, man would still be in the dark ages, worshiping some animalistic deity. Scientific Method is the only way to provide proof of the origin of existence. Think how far we’ve come since Copernicus and Galileo. With knowledge comes power, but also understanding. Why did God order Eve and Adam not to eat of the Tree? Because it would give them the power of autonomy, the ability to make up their own minds. God is by nature a tyrant. Tyrants want to oppress those beneath them, and one way of doing so is to forbid all forms of knowledge that might help the oppressed to become free-thinking individuals.

Science is part of this knowledge. The evidence provided has helped throw off the shackles of religion until secularism is perfectably acceptabe and is the neutral standpoint to adopt.

The creation museum is cherry-picking its scientific elucidations in order to validate some of the Bible’s more unlikely “facts”. Take for instance the Grand Canyon, carved out by the Flood:

Or the strange application of Natural Selection:

Tennyson might be quite interested to see how his words have been put to use. (‘Nature, red with tooth and claw’, In Memoriam, 1850).

The museum even descends into attacking the Pill, which has freed thousands of women from the financial, physical and emotional burden of unwanted children:

The “evils” of the secular world include gay marriage, abortion and evolution taught in schools. To think of it! A substantiated, well researched argument that goes a long way to explaining how humanity came to be. Of course, it necessarily contradicts the existence of god, which is never a good thing for the religious authoritarians who have exercised the use and abuse of power for centuries.

There are some excellent reports about the museum, as well as a first hand account of an American’s visit, complete with photos! The BBC report inerviews the guy in charge, who actually believes that the Bible is the ‘be all and end all’ authority on life. As well as another who genuinely thinks that the first humans played alongside dinosaurs and treated velocorapters as pets. Where did we go wrong?

Ah yes. Of course.

Ben Stein: An Ignorant Fool

I’ve lifted the following parody from Richard Dawkins.net which basically exposes the stupidity behind the pro-creationist film Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, whose title nicely sums up the criteria for believing in ‘intelligent’ design:

Anticipating success with their feature film Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, Producers Mark Mathis, Logan Craft and Walt Ruloff have already leaked a teaser trailer for the film’s sequel. Their “teach the controversy” slogan seemed to work well in getting the general public to believe that Intelligent Design is a viable alternative scientific theory to Evolution, so the team has moved on to promoting other theories that they feel are being suppressed by the scientific community. Sexpelled: No Intercourse Allowed tells of how Sex Theory has thrived unchallenged in the ivory towers of academia, as the explanation for how new babies are created. Proponents of Stork Theory claim that “Big Sex” has been suppressing their claim that babies are delivered by storks. Furthermore, Stork Theory proponents warn of the serious moral dangers posed by teaching children that sex has a function. They point out that evil dictators such as Hitler, Stalin and Mao all believed in Sex Theory, and they may have even had sex themselves.

There is also a late-breaking new development in the controversy, a new theory called Avian Transportation Theory.

Unlike the original Stork Theory, the modern, sophisticated “Avian Transportation Theory” (ATT) merely points out that there are gaps in the orthodox Sex Theory, and that current sonogram imaging is unreliable. Moreover ATT does not specify that babies are necessarily brought by storks but by “large birds unspecified” (although many individual ATT theorists PRIVATELY believe it is a stork).

See more about Expelled:
http://www.expelledexposed.com/

PZ’s post:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/04/pelicans_always_seemed_more_pr.php

Another funny ‘teach the controversy’ video posted today:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwUCXkqn-dM&watch_response

R Moore: The Future

His Eminence, R A Moore, has invited me to share in His grand Vision, a vision that may well result in my early and mistakenly enthusiastic death. (More on that later). As a technocratic communist, drunk on the power of scientific progress (“it’s function over form, dammit!”), He is intellectually and ethically placed to assume total control. If you thought Tzarist Russia was bad, it will be nothing compared with the autocratic rule His Emine—no no Sir no I meant sorry Sir no not again Sir please Sir—His Mightiness! His Mightiness is preparing to assume.

As spokesperson I am only able to reveal a hint of this future glory. Genetic experimentation will of course be actively encouraged (with a whip) and soon He shall know the deepest of the earth’s biological secrets. As will the scientists who worked for Him, but they won’t be around long. Armed with this new knowledge, He will create what are presently termed Giant Cats. These cats will be your ordinary neighbourhood cats—tabbies, gingers, Persians—genetically engineered to massive proportions. Excellent. To give you an idea of their size, let’s say that the kittens will be as large as houses and the cats as large as Founders Building, for those of you familiar with it.

These creatures will have added intelligence in order to brainwash them to the…um…Master’s cause. (Phew). Then they shall be used as our first defence against marauding foreigners. It’s very simple. However, we know that kittehs must have excitement. Therefore we also manufacture Giant Balls of Yarn. Preferably of the pink variety. With the yarn comes the necessity of food. This job looks set to have the highest mortality rate of any job, ever. And this is why we employ chavs.

Well you can’t argue with the job satisfaction. Who doesn’t like playing with kittehs? Just that these are a little bigger. His Majesty sees it as killing two birds with that one extremely useful stone. Chavs with food bags are deposited inside cat bowl, overseer rings bell that sounds like a box of biscuits, kitteh comes running, chavs open food bags, skid on jellied meat, scramble to avoid large pink tongue, claw at slippery sides of bowl, fail to get out and are lapped up—ASBOs and all—by aforesaid tongue. What a perfect solution.

Despite all this, I know how I will meet my death:

Look! A kitteh! Kittttteeeeehhhhh! Come here Kitttteeeeehhhhh! You’re such a good kitteh aren’t you? You’re licking me, that’s so sweet! Do you have any friends? I’ll be your friend, kitteh, do you want to some milk? I think the nearest swimming pool is that way, shall we go together? Awwww kitttteeeeehhhh, i love—–NO kitteh, what are you doing!? Kitteh put me down! Ahhhh, you’re dripping funny smelling water all over me! No kitteh no! My legs! Oh god! But I can’t be mad at you. No! My arms, my arms!

And so forth.

If you think kittehs are excellent, you will appreciate this cartoon.

I am afraid I must report to His uh Highness now. He is not all tyrannical—well he is but He doesn’t like to brag—and has made a facility for comment available to you. Speak wisely, He values the truth, as long as it’s His truth. Peace out.

 

No Sir, I would never think to warn them, I made it out like you described to me, I followed your advice, I swear it, I am a dedicated serva—slave to you Sir. I would do anything for you! Anything! I have always been— what? Well uh when I said ‘anything’ I didn’t mean—oh Sir no what I meant was—you can’t make me Sir! No! 

Let us have Truth and Liberty!

Everyone raise a glass! Not only because I handed in my dissertation today, but also to celebrate the abolition of the blasphemy law!

Almost two hundred years have passed since Shelley spoke out against this very law, which has the power to sentence a free-thinking individual to imprisonment and hard labour. In Shelley’s time, publishers could be jailed for printing a text such as Tom Paine’s Rights of Man, dubbed an “infidel” tract by authoritarian clergy. The blasphemy law was strictly enforced by a conservative government desperate to cling to power in the sudden upsurge of socialism, post French Revolution. Though Richard Carlile was in fact sent to Newbury prison for his publication of Paine’s work, this didn’t stop him from printing more “infidel” literature. He even wrote pamphlets, whilst incarcerated, ‘To Men of Science’ and ‘To The Reformers of Great Britain’. It was for looking after the bookshop whilst Carlile and his wife were in jail and for selling his pamphlets that Susannah Wright was arrested:

Susannah answered the Carlile’s calls for volunteers to keep the bookshop open and, assured of the support of her ‘atheistical friends’, vowed to ‘attend to the business at all risk’. Like the Carliles before her, and the legion of volunteers who followed, Susannah was soon prosecuted; in her case, for the sale of two tracts penned by Richard Carlile from his Dorchester prison cell. During her first trial in July 1822 she conducted her own defence, which lasted a formidable four hours. Retiring from the court to attend to her baby, Wright returned to conclude her case, advising the Jury to ‘be firm and do your duty’ and insisting that she both scorned ‘mercy and demand[ed] justice’.

The jury obliged, swiftly returning a guilty verdict. It would be four months before Wright again returned to court for sentencing. This time, her notoriety attracted more of the public gaze in both crowd numbers and press interest. When offered the opportunity to address the court in ‘plea of mitigation of punishment’ Wright instead challenged the validity of her guilty verdict, arguing that Christianity had no place in the law.

The Chief Justice issued repeated warnings to her to desist from profaning the law and the church in his court. To the amusement of the crowded courtroom she retorted, ‘You, Sir, are paid to hear me’. Infuriated by her obstinacy the Judge sentenced Wright (and by default her infant) to be confined for 10 weeks in the loathed Newgate prison to deliberate on her plea.

I had seen this article back in January that announced the possible abolition of the blasphemy law, but to find the motion has passed… well this really is a day to celebrate. I’m sure fatalname would agree! 

So cheers, Shelley! And to all those who fought against the blasphemy law in the name of liberty; I am only sad it has taken so long and that you are not here to see this day.

Celebration As Abolition Of Iniquitous Blasphemy Law Is Approved In Parliament

The National Secular Society (NSS) welcomes the passing by the House of Lords last night, Wednesday March 5 2008, of an amendment abolishing the blasphemy law by 148 votes to 87.

The fiery debate had a near record turn-out of bishops, who were split between those accepting the inevitability of change and those lamenting the signal abolition would give about the decline in religious influence and the secularisation of society. Some feared that abolition would unleash a tide of blasphemous publications.

Terry Sanderson, President of the NSS said: “This is the culmination of the Society’s 140-year fight to abolish this medieval law under which many innocent victims have suffered. Even in the 20th century, one of my predecessors was jailed for blasphemy. The laws have been criticised recently as being uncertain, without penalty and widely believed not to be compliant with Human Rights.

“I pay tribute to all those who have suffered under this cruel law, denying freedom of expression, and to those before me who have campaigned for its abolition.

“Our celebrations will be overshadowed by the knowledge that parliaments elsewhere in the world will soon be pressurised into passing a new law even more pernicious than blasphemy. It will outlaw so-called defamation of religion. Pressure to pass this law is coming from a bloc of Islamic countries organised by the OIC (Organisation of Islamic Conference). Having made their demands at the UN Human Rights Commission, they are now planning to lobby the Inter-Parliamentary Union.

Nations respecting Human Rights must speak out against the defamation of religious law as it undermines the freedom of expression on which our democracy, and indeed our civilisation, depends.”

Dad’s Thought for the Day

I’ve noticed that human beings are at their happiest at the local re-cycling depot. Sorting their rubbish and putting it in the correct bins. They love it. You’ve never seen such expressions of contentment and joy. As well as using cognitive and coordination skills: the right colour bottles through the nominated holes. There’s also some aesthetic judgements to be made; gently drop them, just inside? Eerrrr. Or throw them to the back in quick succession, whilst there’s no one else there? Or leisurely; savouring every shattered bottle? And then there’s the light physical exertion in climbing the stairs of the skip etc.

Sometimes I think we try too hard to find the things that make people truly happy or discover the essence of our beings, but it’s fun trying. love dad, XXX

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition

Deepest apologies for my lack of posts. Be assured that I have saved many stimulating articles in my blog favourites to illuminate your lives. I am at present engaged in writing my dissertation, which must be handed in (nicely presented) in 10 days. 10 days! I terrify myself into working.

As soon as that hurdle is leaped, however, I’ll be back to my old ebullient self. Expect Astro-Cows, sporks and cheese moons. Here’s to hoping my intellectual faculties won’t be too depleted.

9-13th Feb: Copenhagen: City of…

 

Buffalo horses. Don’t ask. They are cooler than I can explain.

Hot-dogs. The national dish. A stand on every corner.

Danes. What a well-dressed people. Complete absence of British obesity.

Beer. Self evident.

Ex- ex-red light district. Our hotel. That same hooker standing against the wall.

Drugs. Offered four times.

Free sex. Once.

Pickpockets. Once.

Vegetable focaccia. Our favourite coffee house because they spoke English.

Smirnoff ice. In cans.

Discounted dinner because the waiter heard us talking about breasts.

“SLUTSPURT” Roughly translates as “SALE”. Highly amusing.

Hans Christian Andersen. The Little Mermaid.

Phallic towers. Tivoli.

Strip clubs. Disguised as retro cafes.

Tom Lehrer. Around an ageing Grand.

Shopping. A very long street.

Ice skating. An outdoor rink.

Nuts. The hot cinnamon variety.

Reading week. Well spent.